It's like North America...But South!: Giving Thanks

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It’s been a long time since I posted an update about where my life is at now, and if I want to keep this blog alive, it necessitates a post once in a while. And, as a true lover of the cheesy, I can't picture anything better than a thanksgiving post covered in cheese.

The Search

I’m still on the lookout for a solid post-PC job. I’ve felt a lot of guilt over this, among other things, since coming back. Many of my fellow RPCVS have found semi-permanent postilions following their return to the US. But, I still haven’t. I’ve been searching a bit more diligently in the past week, and I’m keeping the hope that something awesome is coming.

I spent 2 and a half months at the Blue Bench, an incredible Rape Crisis Center, filled with the most inspiring people I’ve ever met. I realized that, despite my respect for Barack Obama being a canvasser in his youth, I do not like community organizing. I do, however, continue to hold deep respect and admiration for the Blue Bench. The staff are shockingly inspiring, truly wild, and genuine about who they are and their desire to change the world. Though I’m no longer an employee, I am utterly grateful that Blue Bench, and the people who came into my life.

My full time job, now, is substitute teaching. I spent a week substituting in an elementary level Special Education classroom. I had one college class on special education which did nothing to prepare me for the reality of several screaming children in one classroom that I was supposed to calm down. But, honestly, it went great. A mixture of patience, compassion, and hardcore teacher voice seemed to work. There was one kiddo who notoriously hated all substitute teachers. Except me. Either my awkward charm or fondness of talking to people that don’t like me won out. Didn't think I'd get so lucky that I still love teaching kids, and am actually good at it. That's been a pleasant surprise.

I’m also working part time at a nonprofit I spent a lot of my youth volunteering at: The Butterfly Pavilion. I’m a birthday party/event coordinator. And I get to hold Rosie(the tarantula). I start on Saturday, and I can’t wait to go back. Over my middle school and high school years I accumulated over 800 volunteer hours while holding tarantulas and talking to people about butterflies. If anybody is still wondering why I am the jungle woman I am, wonder no more.

The Shift

I remember waiting for the shift in Peace Corps. I was waiting for the percentage of time I was uncomfortable to shift 100% to a whopping 99% or maybe even 90%. Despite all my experience and the wisdom I assume I should have, I haven’t discovered a way to make this shift happen any faster. The only infallible solution is, in fact, time. Three months after coming home, the shift is finally happening. I feel a bit American again. I don’t feel weird for having electricity to leave my lights on past 8 pm. I don’t feel guilty when I take a hot shower in the morning. I’m still overwhelmed by grocery stores, understanding insurance, retirement accounts and taxes, but it’s not unbearable like it used to be. I think some of who I was in Peace Corps is permanent, but I’m finally finding a combination between jungle queen Beth, and Beth who lives in her parents’ house.

Part of the shift for me, this time around, has been trusting America again. I was here when something crazy happened. When huge populations of people lost faith in America, in their fellow Americans. When hate groups were validated. But, I was also here when people stood up. And continue to stand up, to show their voice, their support, their love, in every way they can. One of my friends cancelled all monthly media subscriptions to instead donate to these organizations: http://jezebel.com/a-list-of-pro-women-pro-immigrant-pro-earth-anti-big-1788752078
I donated to them for his birthday too. I'm not saying this is a fail-safe donate here and you'll feel better about everything, but it is doing something, it makes me feel like I am fighting to make a difference, no matter how small.
I've been stunned by the election results. Scared, angry, but mostly stunned. Stunned into inactivity. And I've been impressed by those who stand up, especially now, when life still appears "safe". I'm impressed by the people who try to understand if this election really reflects the depth of hate in America, or perhaps has been misunderstood, as so many people have been, and continue to be. I can't say I know what's happening next with America in light of the election, and I'm honestly terrified. But, I can't fight when I'm scared. I can rally. I can remind myself of the similarities, of the love which these events have brought to light. Obama has made a lot of speeches recently, but one that struck me included the line: "Thanksgiving is a time to remember that we have a lot more in common than divides us." Let us hope so.

Giving Gratitude

I track my gratitude in a journal daily, to keep my mind focusing on positives instead of the negativity we feed ourselves, which the media perpetuates. I'm sharing a selection of these daily fragments of gratitude. Certainly this concept is not unique, nor are many of the things I’m grateful for. But, they are significant for where I am at now. I hope they may inspire a sense of gratefulness in you, an eye of wonder toward everything positive that fills our lives. I hope we can find those similarities that give us strength. I hope you have a tasty meal tomorrow, and tell someone how grateful you are that they are in your life. Until next time ya’ll.

I’m grateful for

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Giving Thanks