October, November, December 2014
In the Peace Corps cycle of adjustment, (which
predicts what challenges and success volunteers will face) the first 4 to 8
months are defined as the engagement phase: a whole lot of yes's and no's,
bright sunny days followed by crushing rainy days. High highs, low lows.
It's been changing, but the lows aren't
as low as they were when I first got here. I still ride the struggle bus almost
daily, but there are often amazing things to make up for it. No matter how you
turn it around, it's my journey. My adventure. I love the diversity of
experiences I get to encounter here, and I'm learning to bounce back from some
of the challenges. One of the challenges I'd been facing was making friends in
my village. I was so nervous when I first got here that I'd never make it.
Things have changed. I have people who I can visit at their houses, just so I
can see them. Seems like people here are getting used to having me in their
lives, and I'm ready to be wholly here. I struggled initially, being afraid of
how much of myself I could share with my community. But, I think they struggled
with it too.
I'm always curious what people's initial
impression of me is. I know I'm freakishly taller than them and really pale in
their eyes. But is that it? When people see me, does the woman they see know what
she's doing? Is she frightened, away from home for the first time? Someone
hopelessly confused and grasping at straws? Psh, no. Miss Beth knows what she
wants to do and how to do it. At least, that's what they seem to think. Sometimes
I believe that too. I like to pretend I've got everything figured out, from
being a Peace Corps Volunteer to teaching children to read, but there's a whole
lot more being confused and stumbling around than people seem to think. Despite
all the training in the world, there's still got to be a lot of fumbling
blindly, trying to make it look like I
know what's going on.
And sometimes I do. I've made a role for
myself at my school which regularly includes large arm gestures and singing
loudly. I like what I do and how I get to do it. Of course, the challenges are
still challenging, and I'm not always sure if I'm doing the best thing. But,
really, do you know if you're doing the right thing? Isn't it in retrospect
that we finally learn if what we were working so hard for was worth it? Pretty
sure that's how it goes.
Awesome
things of these months:
In October I saw the whole Peace Corps
family at Reconnect, celebrating 3 months of being at site. Ideas were
developed, stories told, laughter contagious, dances danced, happiness shared.
Nights were late, people breathless from sharing so many stories, laughs and a
couple tears. I was reminded how lucky I am to be a part of such an incredible
group. I never thought I'd feel so close to such a big group of people. I'm
incredibly glad I know all of them. I got to see a crew of them shortly after
reconnect when I came out to the coast for a vaccination. Having this awesome
crew of people I can visit with on a day's notice is going to be one of the
things I miss the most about this. I feel like I was away from site a lot in October
and November, but it allowed me to face my struggles with a new perspective. Whenever
I spend time away from my site, I find that I love it a little more. Absence,
fondness, hearts, all that.
I attended my first hindu wedding! It
was also my first Guyanese wedding. I traveled to Region 3 across the Essiquibo
river and spent the weekend with Lauren. Her site is called St. Lawrence. One
of the big industries is logging. There's a saw mill which transforms enormous
trees into usable wood. Never thought I'd find myself enjoying a visit to an
environmentally destructive place like that. Not the first time I'll be wrong.
It looked like a giants playground---massive trees strewn about. The men
working looked so tiny compared to the trees. Trees tumbling off of the boat
thundered with an Earth shaking resonance. The whole process was foreign and
strange. But, the true reason I loved it was this: I got to operate one of the
super scary, massively impressive saws. I actually did it properly and didn't
damage anything. It was empowering. I'm sure if it was my 9-5 job I would grow
tired of it, but for those 5 minutes I was a wood sawing goddess.
I also learned I adore tasa drumming. It's
a traditional type of drumming which often accompanies hindu celebrations(so
I'm told). I love drums. I would get a drum, but mostly so I can terrify people
with the initial boom. Which is exactly what the drummers did. Each time Lauren
and I jumped out of our skins. We also demonstrated our finest white girl dance
moves. They were comprised primarily of jumping up and down with our arms in
the air. We are indeed flawless dancers.
My second wedding was a Wakapoa Wedding.
I didn't end up seeing the whole ceremony because I helped out in the kitchen,
serving food and making sure everyone got some. But, again, my dancing
attracted quite the attention. I danced with children because why not? And
because the adults were all shy to dance. And being the lone person dancing is
alright for a while but sometimes it's a bit much. I tried to dance with some
teenage girls but they literally ran away from me. I danced with some children
at our Christmas School Party as well. I taught some of them how to spin. Who
knew I knew anything about dancing. They loved it. I loved it. It was a good
time. I hadn't really heard any Christmas music until the party which reminded
me that Christmas is, in fact, coming up really quickly..
Me and some of my girls(Shanika, Rose and Nalisha) on the way to the wedding
World Aids Day in Wakapoa was a success!
I was in charge of planning since I work at a school and know some of the
children. We hosted it at the secondary school, but most of the dorms children
who were supposed to attend went home early so it was a small, intimate crowd.
Joe, Holleigh, another PC volunteer from Waramurie, one of the british gals:
Ella, a local teacher: Rihanna, and I hosted the event. The participants took a
little time to warm up to participating openly, but took away a lot from it.
I believe in perfect days. Days which
transform mountains back into molehills. Days when the sun shines bright and
warms places long forgotten. Following the World Aids Day was one of those
days. My smile was unstoppable. Black water glistened as we cruised along in a
boat. Holleigh, Joe, Ella, Dello, and me. The sun was on our side and nothing could stop
us. There's not much I enjoy as much as laying around in the river, paddling
some, swimming some, mostly enjoying each other's company. I got violently
sunburned and am still peeling, but it was worth it.
Embarrassing
Moment:
Debating whether to bathe with the
bucket of water with a dead lizard in it or get a new bucket of water. Because,
really, the water's probably not that bad...
We all have our weaknesses, okay?
Laziness to carry water might be my kryptonite.
'
Inspirational
Quote:
"Do not ask yourself what you can
do to make this world a better place. Ask, instead, what makes you come alive
and do that. What this world needs is people who have come alive."
Shout
Out:
Family! Mom, Dad, and Kat are coming all
the way down to Guyana to visit me! I literally could not be more excited if I
tried. It is going to be amazing. SO AMAZING. I can't wait to tell you guys
more about our adventures! Thank you Brittany and Mel for preparing some
amazing surprises to send down with them. I am deeply appreciative. Thanks to
my PC family for keeping me sane, giving me New Girl, and being the support I
need. And thank YOU for reading! <3
