Hot Cocoa
What's your
cup of hot cocoa?
I've been
asking myself this question a lot recently. I tried to understand it before I
left, but it wasn't something I could fully grasp until I had to. I started
thinking about it the night before I left for Peace Corps.
Packing the
night before leaving, I was a hot mess. I was terrified, stressed, doubtful,
and a handful of other adjectives which don't even bear mentioning.
My dad
talked to me, trying to help me decide what to pack. He asked me what my cup of
hot cocoa was. My dad loves metaphors. I tend to love them too, except when I'm
a stressosarus(thanks Kelly). At the time, I was having none of it. He asked me
again. I got pissed. I didn't want hot cocoa. I wanted to be packed and feel a
helluva a lot braver than I did. But my dad got me to stop, just for 5 minutes,
and have a cup of hot cocoa instead of hyperventilating over what would or
would not fit in my luggage. He asked me again, what's your cup of hot cocca?
What's that thing you can use when you're out of your comfort zone, to lean on,
to help you remember how to stop. Just stop. For a breath. Maybe two. To stop
with the hope that after those breaths, though everything will be just as it
was before, maybe it won't feel as overwhelming. I hope, after I take those
breaths, maybe there will be more I can do to change how I react to what
happens around me.
Returning to
Laluni for the last week there was everything I hoped it would be. It was the
evening breeze after a hot day. I remembered how it first felt when I got
there, afraid that my family wouldn't like me, terrified to say the wrong
thing. When I got back this time, my little sister stood on the railing,
wearing only a towel, waving vigorously at me until she put on clothes and
could hug me. My brothers Shivo and Sachen gave me knuckles and hugs. My mom
gave me a hug and my dad gave me knuckles. How incredible it is to be so loved,
so lucky to have met these incredible people who made me a part of their
family. Coming back felt like belonging. I'm lucky enough to have never felt
alone in this journey, I always have staff, volunteers, locals and friends and
family from home who support me, no matter how far away I am. I hope I'll
continue to build this amazing support as I move forward in my service.
This week I
finally gave in and watched a movie with my siblings after making them wait.
I'd been promising them we'd watch a movie together pretty much since I got
there. We watched Despicable Me cuddled together on the couch, Serina to my
right, Shivo to my left and Sachen right behind me. You know, as sweaty and hot
as it is in this country, I will never deny my little siblings a place next to
me or on my lap. They're just too great.
We have a
game we like to play a lot in Laluni. It's called spoons, or, more
appropriately, pens since that's what we actually play with. Norwell came over
to play with us and we learned what a ruthless player he is. We usually don't
play where someone gets eliminated, but Norwell really wanted to eliminate
people, and he also enjoyed snatching the pen from people's hands just after
they got them. He is vicious and it was hilarious.
I had to
stop to find out what my hot cocoa was this week. My fellow volunteers were
incredibly helpful in reaching out, and letting me reach out to provide them
support. We are a family. I'm quite honestly amazed by the support I have
around me at any time. I'm not very good with large group things, but this
group of GUY 26 volunteers is amazing and I love every single one of them. I
have no doubt we are going to do some amazing things in Guyana and afterword.
Coming home
from training friday night, Andrew's family put on an amazing barbeque to say
goodbye to us, and to show appreciation for everything we'd done for them. I
felt like it should have been the other way around, where we should show
appreciation for them, but it was really nice. They all said thank you, and
told us they wanted us to come back and visit.
On Saturday
we had our family appreciation event. We were able to make some chili, cookies,
salad, cake, and passion fruit juice. We invited all the families to come to
the school, enjoy some food and talk with us before we went away. I enjoyed it.
I got my hair braided by several of the girls in town and my sister Serina took
bundles of pictures for me after I gave her my camera. It was so great. I also
got one side of my hair beautifully braided by Sabatri. It made me start
missing Laluni and our amazing community there already.
Laluni is my
home away from home. Leaving was incredibly hard. I didn't want to say goodbye
because I know it will be a long time before I see them next. I hate saying
goodbyes, they seem final. But, not saying goodbye can be equally terrible.
Although, the community in Laluni made it a goodbye worth remembering. So many people came out to show their
appreciation, to say goodbye. I got as many hugs as I could ever want, which is
a ridiculous number of hugs. I am so glad I was able to train there, to learn
about Guyanese life, love and generosity from such incredible people. Now,
after only 2 months here, I have several cups of hot cocoa I know I can turn to
when I need them.
Wherever you
are this week, or the next, I hope you've got a cup of hot cocoa you can sit
down with, to warm you, to help you realize what you've got going for you right
this moment. There is always something amazing, but sometimes it takes some
looking for. Love you all immensely <3
