Weeks 12 and 13: July 14-27
My mom used
to always say to me, you'll never know if you don't try. She said it in
response to me asking if I should talk to the boys I liked(#highschoolproblems).
Her advice served me well at the time, resulting in me talking to the boys I
liked. It also resulted in me getting turned down. A lot. Wow, that sucks,
Beth, why are you telling us this?
Because I
learned to give the things I cared about a shot, and not stop trying when I got
shot down. Granted, asking boys to go on dates with me might not be vastly
impressive, but it helped me learn to bounce back. I always need to practice
giving my best, and seeing how it works, because no two things are going to
turn out the same.
I'm another
year older. Obviously by now I've answered all the hard questions life poses. I
mean, who hasn't?
Birthdays
make me wonder what I did differently this year than the year before. I think
about what the past me would think if they saw me now. If I went back 10 years,
to 13 year old Beth draped in angst and terrible skin conditions, what would I
tell myself that I know now? Would I be surprised by what I see or would I
expect more? What could I teach myself if I talked to myself in another 10
years? It's hard to live and try to think about the wisdom you hope to acquire,
knowing full well you've got to live it out and make the mistakes to get there.
Birthdays also remind me to check the promises I've made to myself, to see how
much progress I've made and how much I've left to do.
I always promise to love myself, and I
continue to see the value in it. I'm lucky in how much independence I have
right now, but it makes me see how I've got to be the spark. With no catalyst,
nothing will ever get done. I have people who love me, who would do just about
anything to help me succeed. But I've got to be the one to try. No one else is
going to go out and try to tackle the challenges for me. I've got to love
myself enough to try to start things knowing they might crumble and fall. I'll
never know if I don't try.
Stepping out
beyond where I can see, taking the first step when I can't see the whole
staircase, is my challenge of late. I want to push myself to do things which
terrify me. Things I would never have tried at home. This is my experience, my
chance to make what I can of it. Opportunities might come knocking wearing the
strangest disguises, and I hope I let them in. I hope I push myself to blow my
old comfort zone to pieces, to build it back from scratch. What better place to
change what I'm comfortable with than Peace Corps? A couple months ago if you'd
asked me if I thought I'd be okay with being a foreigner nestled in a community
of strangers, I'm sure I'd say no. Now, not everyone is a stranger anymore, and
while I still know I'm not one of them yet, I'm a lot closer than I was. Two
days ago I sat around and gaffed(talked) to some ladies for a couple hours.
It's funny, because before I went out, I was so hesitant to go and talk to
people because I didn't think it would go well. That's what I get for having
expectations, I guess. Today, similar thing. I went out to get snack and thought I might try visiting a man
in the village to ask about studying guitar with him. I sat and talked with him
for a good 40 minutes and he gave me some corn from his garden. Not to mention
he said he'd teach me some Arawak(one of the native tribes) language. These
amazing things would never happen if I didn't try to go meet people.
Go camp go!
My first
summer camp was quite the experience. A whole lot more goes into making a camp
than just fun activities and children running around. At your traditional camp
you would have children sign up and pay a fee to join camp. At my camp I didn't
want to do that because I was worried it would exclude the kids who should come
the most. I mostly just had children show up, and if they wanted to they
participated, because I couldn't really tell them they haaad to.
This camp
was supposed to be a literacy camp, but the number of literacy activities we
did was vastly outweighed by the number of non-literacy games and such we
played. But don't worry, I learned a whole lot, and I get to have a second camp
on a different island(the island I'm staying on) so that is going to be about
10 times better. That's going to be on August 18th to the 22nd. If you've got
any ideas for low/no budget phonics activities and games I am all ears! I'm glad I got to do the summer camp, I met a
lot of children and I think I peaked interest in reading.
Crazy random happenstances of the past two weeks:
- I finally had a tarantula in my room! I'd been waiting and waiting, because I know they live around here, but I hadn't seen one near where I'm staying yet. Today I saw the cutest little bro hanging out on my ceiling. It was not a pinktoe, it was brown and black. I don't know what kind. But he was real cute. I think I'll name him Fred if he ever comes back. He's missing in action now. Maybe he's hiding underneath my clothes. As much as I love tarantulas, I think I'd still have a mini-heart attack if he crawled out from in my clothes when I got dressed in the morning. I had a huntsman spider living behind some of my books who was soo not happy when I decided to re-arrange them. I think he's my resident room spider cause he's pretty much always around. Maybe he'll eat all the mosquitoes for me.
- I still can't do a handstand, but I won't stop trying.
- I stopped working out every morning due to the summer camp and how much it exhausted me, but I'm back on board now. I'm trying to get into barefoot running because finding a pair of nice running shoes in my size down here is next to impossible, and I like barefoot better.
- My poor sprained foot/toe from when I tripped over the hammock a month ago is finally healing. If I can keep from injuring it again I should be good to go
- I've had my first man ask if I want to marry his son, while his son was standing right there. Hilarious.
This week,
when you're faced with a challenge, I want you to think of this, of the advice
from my mom to me, and now all of you. You'll never know if you don't try.
You'll never get that promotion if you don't ask about it. You'll never get to
have that talk if you don't try. And for me, I'll never meet people if I don't
try. If I can do it, you can too! Love you guys so much.
p.s. I can
chat for free on Whatsapp! My phone number is +1 592 603 7525. You should get
Whatsapp with all those sweet smart phones and chat me up! I can also chat on
FB but I like Whatsapp more :P
