The waiting
game-
I've heard
patience praised as a virtue. The same has been whispered of curiosity. I'm of
the mind that curiosity is the finer of the two, but I may be a bit biased on
that. I've had a great opportunity to exercise both toward my site placement as
it draws nearer. It is so close I can almost picture myself arriving, bag in
one hand, aspirations in the other. I'll find out on June 13th, but, even
though my rational mind knows it's not too far away, I still desperately want
to know.(this is somewhat ironic since I'm posting this after I found out, but
I wrote it when I didn't know.) Everything about my experience is riding on
this, so I'd rather the process take all the time it needs to rather than being
rushed. However, the waiting game is getting old. I know there are a ton of components
which go into selection like what my trainers have observed and what the needs
of the community are. I'm struggling
with training because I love my training site and wish I could do more with
them, but I know I'm not going to be there long enough to start some of the
changes I'd like to make, which makes things challenging.
It will be
really hard to leave Laluni, I love my family and all the community members
I've met so far. I couldn't ask for a better way to learn about Guyana.
The downward
slope-
Peace Corps
has been very clear in stating that we will struggle, that there are going to
be days when we question why we're here, when we don't know what we can
possibly accomplish. There are also going to be days when I'm on top of the
world, inspired and doing everything I hope to do. It's not that I expected it
to be easy. I was quite surprised by how easily I adjusted to a whole new group
of people , to a whole new lifestyle. I had been sad to think about everyone
and everything I'd left behind, but I was so busy being elated about really
being here in Guyana, I didn't have time to be sad. It took a long time for
that initial excitement to wear down, for this to become normal. There are
still things which refresh my enthusiasm and elation. But, it wore down a
recently.
This week
has been challenge mode. I've been having a tough time adjusting. I think the
culture shock is finally here. But, it's not so much of a shock as a subtle
recognition that things are not the same here as they are at home. And I miss
home. I miss everyone there. Don't think for a moment that my fellow
volunteers, family, and community don't support me. They absolutely do. I'm so
lucky I have their support, because it made the hard times I was going through
easier. But, even with all the support in the world, I still miss my family and
friends, and I'm worried about how much I'll be able to contact them. I'm ready
to serve anywhere, under any conditions, but that doesn't mean I want to go for
2 years without hearing from my loved ones. If I am not able to call or text I
will be sure to post an updated address for my actual site, rather than the
address for the Peace Corps office which you have now, so you can write to me.
I will also continue to write my blog and keep you updated about when to expect
posts(monthly, yearly, etc.) Not that I'm terribly descriptive about when to
expect my blog as it is, but there's always room to grow.
I started
struggling on Monday when I had one of my interviews with the program manager.
I didn't think I would be upset, but we started talking about if my family
could come visit in October and I started to cry when she said I'd probably
have to wait until a school break because I will have to get it approved by my
counterpart, supervisor, her, and possibly another higher up with Peace Corps.
It surprised me how upset I was about it. I had been feeling upset the past
couple days, missing everyone and the comforts I had, but I thought I had it
under control. Turns out I was actually really sad and was trying to keep
myself from being sad. I think it helped to recognize that I was sad, to give
myself permission to be sad about it.
When I got
home I told my host family about it because they asked how I was and it
actually made me feel a whole lot better. It's nice to share struggles with
other people, to understand that everyone goes through their own unique set of
troubles, and though they may handle it differently, everyone does go through
it. It makes me feel a lot better to know I'm not alone in this. That I'm
definitely not the first, or the last person, to feel doubtful and scared.
On Tuesday I
was still having a rough go mostly because we tried to start working on our
World Map project but it was hard to get everyone on the same page so we did a
lot of sitting around and talking about it. It was a bummer. But, I did get to
be in the school for part of the day and that was really nice. Priya, my
teacher, had to go do stuff for the Head Master(principle) so Kelly and I took
over the class for her and we got to take the kids outside to sing camp songs
and such. It was a blast. I sang the Tarzan song and tried to make all the
children be bananas which was hilarious and a good time.
Wednesday
the other education volunteers from the coast got to come out into Laluni for
trainee directed sessions(also known as us teaching each other). It began
wonderfully with us singing a song written by Eben which went like this:
"Welcome
to Laluni
You want to
leave so soony
So sing this
little tuney
You'll love
it in Laluni"
It was quite
fantastic. There were some other lyrics which I do not remember but they
mentioned the differences between hinty and coastal. It was really fun to have
the other trainees out in Laluni so they could see what the site we've been
working at.
My lesson
was not as wonderful as I was hoping it would be, but it's over now and I think
I learned a lot from it, so I'll definitely do better next time.
Although,
when I got home, my host siblings were home and it was time for me to cook
dinner for them because my mom and dad were at a funeral. I was super nervous
about making dinner and trying to take care of the children/get them to shower.
Turns out they are a bunch of wonderful children and did a really good job
getting clean when I asked them to. I
ended up doing a great job making the dinner, but I should have made the roti
first but it all still worked out. They got home when I was still making
pumpkin, but they said it was good. However, I did learn that it is super
exhausting to get home when tired and then cook for two hours. Let me tell you.
It was great, but I was pretty much done.
On Thursday
we got to work on the World Map project which was really rewarding. It felt
good to work for a while and get some solid work done.
Friday was
Lauren's birthday and we got to eat a ton of candy and cake all day at Red
Grounds. It was fantastic. I enjoyed singing happy birthday to her more than is
necessary.
Saturday was
super duper fun. We had a surprise birthday party for Lauren at her host
family's house. We all managed to get to her house without her knowing and we
threw confetti at her when she came in. She legit screamed in surprise and joy.
It was splendid. Her host family made a whole ton of food for us which was
absolutely wonderful and the cake was so neato. I was quite impressed by how loving
and sweet they were to Lauren. It was the best. We had a little dance party at
her house and her family laughed so hard at how much we cannot dance like Guyanese.
Walking back from her party I saw a sweet ruined building with a plants growing
around it which was ridiculously gorgeous. As we were walking home I also saw a
tiny snake on the ground. I wasn't sure if it was alive, so Rob decided to
touch it. It was hilarious.
On Sunday we
all got to come together for the health fair in the center of Laluni. The heath
people had set up a station to check their blood pressure and blood sugar.
Coastal health volunteers came out to support the fair as well. I started outside,
playing tag with the children of the community and then came inside to hear
brief lectures from Lauren and Andrew. Then the community all got to eat some
delightful healthy meals and hang out playing games and such. A lot of people
came and participated so I'd say it was a pretty successful event.
After the
event Norwell, our language and cultural facilitator, came over to my house for
a group discussion with my whole family about how it was having me at their
house and how the experience went for them. It was great to hear all the
comments from everyone about how much they liked having me at their house and
how well they thought I would do in Guyana. Norwell asked my host dad to
summarize me in a word and he said excellent. So that was really great. And my
little brother Shivo told me that he loved me and loved having me around so
much. Sachen, my other younger brother who is also known as the bread man due
to his substantial love of bread, elected to smile charmingly at Norwell and I
while not saying anything. Serenia said she liked playing with me, which I
think was her way of saying she just liked having me around. It was lovely.
